Richland HOA Newsletter

Welcome to our June newsletter, the Summer Spectacular you’ve been waiting for! With school out and summer in full swing, it's time to dive into the season with enthusiasm. The pool is open, the sun is shining, and we're gearing up for the first big pool party of the season on June 8th. But let's all remember to keep our poolside fun drama-free—no repeats of the infamous "Baby Ruth Summer." What, you don't know about the "Baby Ruth Summer"? I was just a kid and saw about it on TV, but as the old-timers tell it, it was a summer to remember.  The turf was immaculate—we had sprinklers everywhere, keeping the grass green, lush, and thick. Of course, this was well before the droughts that nearly drained Lake Lanier and well before the roving gangs of road warriors began scavenging the lands for petrol. What? Oops, sorry, wrong timeline! That's right, this is the timeline with the great gopher battle of 1980. Some of you may remember, that darn gopher ...

Buckle up for our May newsletter, the Crossover Event you never knew you needed! This month, we’re rolling out the red carpet for a quartet of celebrations that blend better than tequila and lime: Cinco de Mayo, Star Wars Day, the Kentucky Derby, and the thrilling countdown to the last week of school. Imagine margaritas and mint juleps served by stormtroopers in sombreros, and Yoda in a fancy Derby hat offering wise betting advice—now, that’s a crossover event worthy of a galactic fiesta! May the 4th be with you as we kick off Star Wars Day and the Kentucky Derby in spectacular fashion! Just in case you've been hiding in a Sarlacc pit, remember that Star Wars Day coincides with both our community pool's grand opening and the Kentucky Derby. It's the perfect chance to brandish your lightsaber-like pool noodles while donning your finest sombrero sun hats! But be cautious—excessive dueling might prompt the lifeguard to teleport you from the cantina to a galaxy far, far away. ...

The Curious Case of Laurel Lake Drive (Now Hawkins?) In the quiet, unsuspecting neighborhood of Richland, nestled between the little river the picturesque community pools, lies a street shrouded in so much mystery, it could rival the Bermuda Triangle. Yes, folks, we're referring to the area formerly known as Laurel Lake, which, in an unprecedented move, has mysteriously been renamed "Hawkins." This, unsurprisingly, is not the first time the neighborhood has undergone a mysterious transformation. For years, homeowners along this street have told stories about an old graveyard that was “relocated” to construct several of the homes on the street. They've reported incidents so bizarre; they've left even the most skeptical among us scratching their heads. Reports range from swamp monsters emerging from the creek on foggy nights to pirate ships spotted in the lake. And let's not forget the sightings of Thanos casually strolling down the sidewalk, muttering about ...

    Welp, you've weathered the longest February in recent memory. Despite that extra day, this March newsletter still missed it's deadline. Surprisingly, during the last Board meeting—as darkness fell and the final few residents lingered—a bewildering twist of fate occurred: The Board voted 4-1 to give me a 111% raise for my unmatched procrastination skills. The mere mention that we may have coordinated an illegal pre-meeting meeting, given the brief discussion on such a significant raise, left me astounded. The idea that board members might have secretly convened brought a real "Et tu, Brute?" moment. Yet, fear not—we know the rules – if 3 board members meet, it must be advertised in advance with a published agenda. So, we never met in groups larger than two, ensuring strict compliance with open meeting laws, though orchestrating this was more challenging – damn those fiscal conservatives!   But we overcame- thank you, dear readers, I know if you knew...